By Chance
by vausemanxo
Summary: [Piper/Alex - AU] Doctor Chapman becomes emotionally attached.


I hate this part. It makes me wonder why I even chose this profession in the first place. I want to save them all, but I just can't. I'm beginning to believe I have some sort of God complex.

I could've instructed one of the interns to do my dirty work for me, but they'd probably just fuck it up. They fuck everything up. I'm not sure how any of them will ever make it past their residency.

Finally I make it to the waiting room and take a quick glance down at my attire. 'Fuck.' I curse myself internally, realizing my scrubs are adorned with red blotches from my last patient. Why didn't I change? His family will take one look at me and assume the worst. Which, honestly, kinda lifts the burden off my shoulders. At least they'll expect what I'm about to say.

I've memorized his last name, which isn't something that happens very often. I may want to save them, but I avoid forming bonds with patients. I've learned to become detached, it's necessary in a profession such as this.

I scan the room, noticing all the eager, awaiting faces. All they have is time, to wait, to pray, to cry. However they may cope. I can feel everyone's eyes on me and I'm about to disappoint most of them. They all hope I'm here to speak to them about whoever it may be that they're waiting, praying, crying for.

"Vause."

They all look around, some sighing in frustration when they realize it isn't them I'm seeking. They settle back into their previous positions, ignoring me. All, but one.

I notice her looking up at me, she hasn't spoken yet. But I can tell she's the one I'm looking for. It's her.

I walk over to her and she stands from her chair. She's staring into my eyes intensely and I can't help but feel a bit entranced. She's waiting for the news, but I can't speak. I can see how heartbroken she is.

She readjusts her glasses, like she's trying to mask her feelings. She thinks I haven't noticed how lost she seems, but I have. I've done this so many times before, that look is etched into the back of my mind.

"Miss Vause, I-"

"Alex." She raises her hand and cuts me off quickly. As if somehow my choice of words has insulted her. Her voice is raspy and deep. Shaky from crying.

I nod, complying with her request. Well, demand really. "Alex, I'm Doctor Chapman. I'm the the doctor who's been with your.." I draw out my last word, wondering what relation she may be of to my patient. The possibilities are endless, so I waste no time pondering.

"My brother. Ryan's my brother."

'Ryan.' I make a mental note of the name.

Her arms are crossed tightly across her chest, and she's sharply inhaling shaky breaths. I sympathize with her already, which isn't something I normally do. There's just something about her that seems to be drawing me in.

"Alex, your brother suffered a traumatic brain injury in the crash. There's significant swelling in his brain and paralysis is a definite possibility. We won't know right away. He's currently comatose, but we're monitoring him very closely." I can't believe I just got that out in one breath. I gotta be honest with myself, though, I just sugar coated the hell outta that prognosis. It's more than likely that he will never wake up again, but I just can't bring myself to tell her.

She can't breathe and she reaches out for something, anything to grab onto. I take her hand and grip it tightly as she almost falls back into her chair.

I sit down next to her and squeeze her hand. "Alex, I'm so sorry."

"This is my fault." She's crying now and I'm not sure how I can comfort her.

"This isn't your fault. You couldn't have prevented this."

"But I could." She says between ragged, uneven breaths. "He wanted to take my motorcycle for a ride. I didn't even think twice about it, even though he'd never been on one. I said yes." She looks over at me, her face contorting as she tries to suppress her emotions. "He's only eighteen. He has his whole life ahead of him, he's just a kid. I fucked that up for him. I did this."

"Alex, there's no way you could've known something like this would happen."

She finally releases my hand and I wonder if it's broken. She bows her head and buries her face in her hands. I place my hand on her shoulder and grip lightly, hoping to give her even just the slightest bit of comfort.

"I'm supposed to take care of him." She looks over at me and I give her a sympathetic nod. I know reassuring her that this isn't her fault will get me nowhere. Normally by now I would've gone about the rest of my shift without a second thought. I want to leave, but I can't. Something's holding me in place, keeping me from making any sort of movement. More often than not there's family around to console each other, but she's alone and her eyes are begging me to stay. So, I do.

"Doctor Chapman."

I look up to notice one of my interns with this pleading look on his face. I almost roll my eyes, but I refrain. "I'm busy."

"But they need you in peds for a consult."

"Have Dr. Bloom take the case." I'm growing frustrated now and if he wasn't intimidated by me before, I'm sure the look in my eyes has changed that by now.

He hasn't spoken again, which has me wondering why the hell he's still standing here. "Go."

Alex is watching me and I'm sure she's curious why I've put her needs ahead of everyone elses. Honestly, even I'm not sure why I'm so concerned about her. I've never felt a connection like this before. I'm worried about her and I don't even know her.

"Can I see him?" She breaks the silence and I'm finally aware of the spaced out look on my face.

"Oh, yeah. Of course, follow me." I stand from the waiting room chair and she mimics my motions.

She's following so closely behind me she steps on my shoe and I glance back at her. Her head's down, but she quickly realizes what she did. "I'm sorry." She whispers.

"It's fine." I give her my best smile, which isn't much. And I can tell she doesn't care, anyway.

I lead her into her brother's room. I've already forgotten his name, shit.

"I'll give you some time with him. If you need anything, just let me know."

She nods and I can see how terrified she is. Is she really alone in the world now? Is he all she has?

Alex takes a seat next to her brother and grabs his hand. She's sobbing now and quietly whispering 'I'm sorry' over and over again. Like maybe, somehow, it will change things.

It seems she's forgotten I'm in the room so I quietly slip out the door and stop at the nurse's station. "If Miss Vause needs anything just page me." The nurse only nods in response, not bothering to question my reasoning.

...

Nearly three hours later I've convinced myself that Alex is okay and she doesn't need me. I'm just a stranger to her, anyway. How could I be of any comfort. Maybe her parents have arrived or she has more siblings. I just hope she isn't in the same state she was when I left her.

Suddenly, as if she knew I was stressing about her, my pager goes off. I look down, immediately realizing where I'm needed. Or maybe just wanted.

I quickly make my way over to the elevator and press the button, impatiently tapping my foot while I wait.

I look up when I feel a presence lingering next to me. "Dr. Bloom." I smile and give him a nod, knowing I have to at least acknowledge his existence. Although, I'd rather not.

"Where were you this afternoon? I had to take your consult."

"Yeah, about that.. I was," I pause, unsure how how I could keep this statement entirely vague. "busy. Thanks, though. I'll make it up to you."

"I think I already know how you could."

I glance over at him, brow arching slightly.

"Let me take you out to dinner Friday night, Piper." He smiles and I resist the urge to slap him. I'm not certain what brought on that particular urge, but I imagine it would feel amazing.

The elevator doors open and I sigh in relief, stepping inside. "I'm sorry, Larry. Maybe some other time." I almost laugh at the shell shocked look that's ground into his face as the elevator doors quickly close. I'm not sure what it is about him, but I really don't like the guy. Maybe it's just because he assumes I want him, or maybe it's because he has one of those faces you just wanna punch. I'm not entirely sure.

...

The hall to Ryan's room is so long, it's like it's never ending. My feet are shuffling quickly, but I feel like I'm running in place. I finally reach the doorway and lean inside slightly, catching Alex's gaze when she hears me knock. "Alex?"

I see a few tears roll down her cheeks, but she swiftly wipes them away. It's like she's ashamed of being so vulnerable in front of me. I guess I would be too.

"Do you need anything?"

"I-I," She stutters and I look at her quizzically. "I don't wanna be alone."

I walk over to where she's sitting and slowly sit down next to her. I don't even know why I'm doing this, what's driving me to this?

I take her hand in mine and she leans into me, laying her head against my shoulder. She's finally able to release her emotions now and she isn't holding back. We just met and she seems to be so comfortable with me. I feel so comfortable with her. It's like we have this connection already.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly. My hand rubs her back gently and she grabs my coat, gripping it tightly.

"Alex.." I speak softly, pressing my cheek against the top of her head. I feel like I've always known her. This feeling scares me. "Is there someone I can call for you?"

Alex shakes her head, sniffling a little. "No."

"Oh, okay.." I'm afraid to press further, so I decide to drop the subject.

"It's just us."

I'm not sure how to respond so I remain silent.

"Our mom died about four years ago. I don't know where his father is, if you could even call him that. He left when Ryan was two, haven't seen him since." She's calmed down now and she shyly lifts her head to look up at me. She's already being so open with me and it's confusing to say the least.

"I promised my mom I would look after him." She sobs. "How could I let this happen?"

"You can't blame yourself. Even if it is your fault, which I don't think it is, feeling guilty about it won't change things. You can't go back and keep this from happening. Just.. be here for him. Talk to him, let him know you're here."

She moves away from me and shifts in her seat slightly. I instantly realize how forward I've just been. "I'm sorry, Alex. I guess it's none of my business."

Alex smiles, she genuinely smiles at me and my pulse begins to race. "No, it's fine. I sort of made it your business. I'm sorry I've taken up so much of your time. I just don't know what to do."

"Well, his vitals are still the same. I know it doesn't seem like much, but that's a good thing. As for the coma," The look in her eyes makes my heart ache, I hate that I'm the one who has to talk to her about this. I should've sent one of the interns. "we can't be sure just how long it'll last. He seems strong, maybe he can pull through."

"Maybe?" She questions, frightened by the prospect of her baby brother's demise. "What if-"

"Let's not think about the what if's, alright?"

Her fingers thread through mine and her thumb gently grazes the top of my hand. "Will you stay with me just a little longer, Dr. Chapman?"

"Piper. It's Piper."

She looks over at me, our eyes locking as she smiles faintly. I don't know what I'm doing or why I'm here, but I feel this pull that I just can't resist.

"Well, Piper?"

"I'll be here as long as you need me."

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks so much for reading. <strong>

**Please review!**


End file.
